Swapping the Seven Kingdoms for seven orgasms, Game of Thrones dildos are officially a thing. With HBO’s ice and fire epic being known for its gratuitous nudity and risqué storylines, it was only a matter of time before the sex toy industry took this idea to the Iron (Wank) Bank.
If you’re partial to feeling the pointy end, this (unofficial) Game of Thrones dildo could be just the ticket to help put some colour back in the cheeks of a White Walker.
The aptly named “Game of Moans – Long Shaft” replicates Jon Snow’s signature Valyrian steel sword in sex toy form. Why, because why not?!? Geeky Sex Toys is offering the toy for the princely sum of $110.
Better than a Jon Snow job or Jaime Lannister fumbling around with his golden hand, this Game of Thrones sex toy promises to satisfy you like no man in the Seven Kingdoms ever could.
The description makes for some interesting reading and is sure to appeal to fans of George R.R. Martin’s wanking world of Westeros. “Have you been dreaming of a long, thick shaft? Then this dildo sword will fulfill your fantasy,” says the site. “You know nothin until you have experienced orgasmic sensations with this dildo sword. The sword’s hilt also allows for maximum penetration and pleasure.”
$110 may sound like a lot to shell out on some unofficial memorabilia, but for horny Hodors and lustful Lannisters, there couldn’t be a better way to celebrate the final season of the show.
Tormund Giantsbane may joke that the King in the North has a tiny pecker, but if this version of Longclaw is anatomically correct, Mr. Snow is packing in his breeches.
I remember once reading about a Twilight-inspired dildo that you’d put in the freezer to emulate the cold skin of Robert Pattinson’s Edward, but to be honest, I can think of a million problems with that. It looks like Geeky Sex Toys have really thought through the logistics of a Game of Thrones dildo.
We’re still not sure what will happen in the final six episode of Game of Thrones later this year, but rest assured, it won’t just be winter that’s ‘coming’ if this idea takes off. Personally, I’m thinking about going on Dragon’s Den with my own Daenerys Targaryen dragon love eggs. I’ve got a Throner just thinking about it!
[Featured Image: Geeky Sex Toys/HBO]